AS IF!!!!!!!

yes. yes, i know it's bad to go to bed late, sit-up at the note-book for hours, staring at its tiny screen without blinking at all, or batting my eye-lids a number of times the way a coquette does, when i'm at a particularly favourite page on the web , which is however, merciless with its dark background and tiny font size; i know it's a terrible thing to do to the body, to stay awake late into the night, navigating pages as my eyes start turning sore and to keep hoping i'll run into something about you in the web- at least your name, if nothing else- and hope that there'll be a way for us to connect again...especially when i know fully well that lack of sleep makes me susceptible to emotional outbursts causes my mind to go out of focus, kills my capacity for judgement and decision-making and depresses the life out of me and i can never get-up on time in the morning to meet the rest of the family at the breakfast table(makes me guilty as hell at times)and they are tired of asking me to sit with them at least during meals...but i will still sit-up and wait as the night deepens and in a crazy flip, the darkest hour of midnight becomes morning; as though you're supposed to believe that the continuation to another round of roatation for the arms of the clock means an end to the night and the start of the morning.
AS IF!
and as if that changes anything, anything at all, about your absence!!!!