verbiage

you and i
always
only words

first
those of love and longing

then
those of estrangement

then again
those of love and longing
and the battle to survive

and now
of ashes
spat on each other
of what we resurrected and curcified
again and again

you and i are just words
it is how you will always remain with me

teach me how to wait...

for better days...writes K. and it is what i have been asking for everyday, of myself. to teach myself to wait for better days.
because even in this despair, there is something like hope. too often, i have hoped this is a long nightmare and i'll wake up to find that everything in the world around me is alright. that people never died in this country, houses never collapsed, never fell on unsuspecting lives, that landslides never swept away people sleeping in their huts, animals tied to sheds. it's a desperate thing, this hope.
 and as i type these words, i find myself hoping there will be small tremors and not massive ones that kill people more than just physically. because since April 25th, i feel as though i have become a heap of crushed people. and all of these people are me. a crushed daughter, a crushed friend, sister, a crushed co-worker, lover-- whoever i might have been.
but i have also learned this about myself. i'm crushed the most, by love. because there can be love that changes your personality, your faith in things and everything you believed in, just because it filled you with hurt.
but even in love, the wise ones say one has to be patient.
life, teach me how to wait for better days, just as K

Tremors

Since the earthquake, you are so unreal.
The only things real are the piles of bricks and bodies.
The smell of people crammed together, smelling like fear.
The shuddering of windows as planes fly overhead.
The dust from abandoned mats.
The eyes of hungry dogs.
The cries of people in pain.
The need right here in the house--
water, oil, money, everything.
Everything is so real these days.
Only you,
You are what never was.