boil over

I'm a goosebump these days
taut with you
and ready to explode
at a touch of your memory

feeble possibilities

i wish you had the habit of lying next to me
with your nose buried in my clavicle,
long after love.

but i'm only a habit to you
-- here and absent

my head pools in the indigo you spilled

so, we both know the truth

i only became whole the time we orgasm-ed together

i only understood poetry the day you broke my heart

hope is a thing with feathers?

if you could remove the ache in this heart and plant it with hope, maybe you would.
but even that hope would be stilted by wait, like a bonsai that's lived for years without showing the signs of an aged suffering

the kind of void people leave behind

...even when they never belonged here

because fantasy is better than reality

on nights like this,

when you turn words like a dagger against my heart, i only want to lie down and fall into a deep sleep and never wake up again.

a moment for you

i'm thinking of the Pacific sun

that must warm your nape,

and inside my head

i take a small bite of that sunshine 

and spread it in nibbles 

over your left shoulder,

and down to your heart

so that it's always filled with the light 

of days

of nothingness

coffee talk

i remember how you sat here next to me
the first time we met again

you asked me if you could hold my hand
and i said nothing in response

your presence across the table
was brewing a storm in my gut

and i knew your return
was going to destroy us, all over again

sweet things

how it poured today, as we sat on that terrace, like we only got out of wombs to stare at the rain. it's our favourite thing, we chorused.
and later when we walked for some frozen yogurt, there were little puddles to navigate. we skipped, hop-skipped.
with you, i become a little girl again.

you're gone, but...

even this silence

is punctuated

with the wrangling

between you and i

-- inside my head

come back and interrupt this quiet for real.

i cannot live with you

and like our favourite poet put it,
"we must meet apart"
you here,
me there--
with just so much
in-between

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