after a decade of doing this, i still can't do it.
i can't get up at 4 to come to work. and yet i do it every week.
there are a set of things in life you know you can't do and you still do. like knowing you cannot unlove a person you have loved. so, the solution seems like to not love at all. but you will love and then brood over unloving, even when you know there's no hope there. you will shut down email accounts, turn off phones, tell yourself you can live with babies, monkeys and dogs and you'll be quite okay. but when your email inbox shows a fresh mail or when your phone lights up with a text message, you're a goner all over again. and again, all that resolve of unloving crumbles and you're a silly 5 year old staring at a chocolate cake. all over again.
so it's six now, and if i get my coffee, maybe i can get back to work and stop musing over loving. in a most selfish way, that's all i'm good at anyway. clinging, like BKP puts it.
i can't get up at 4 to come to work. and yet i do it every week.
there are a set of things in life you know you can't do and you still do. like knowing you cannot unlove a person you have loved. so, the solution seems like to not love at all. but you will love and then brood over unloving, even when you know there's no hope there. you will shut down email accounts, turn off phones, tell yourself you can live with babies, monkeys and dogs and you'll be quite okay. but when your email inbox shows a fresh mail or when your phone lights up with a text message, you're a goner all over again. and again, all that resolve of unloving crumbles and you're a silly 5 year old staring at a chocolate cake. all over again.
so it's six now, and if i get my coffee, maybe i can get back to work and stop musing over loving. in a most selfish way, that's all i'm good at anyway. clinging, like BKP puts it.
Pratee, beautiful words :-)
ReplyDeletefigured, i need to rant, to live, Iris :)
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