and there's always Pokhara

 it is here that i heal. 

i hadn't realized it until this visit in the truest sense, but it is in Pokhara, i've always managed to heal. i've been better since i got here. something about the lake calms me. to be near it, to be aware of its presence, seems to aid healing. i've come here in the past to heal from heartbreaks, to run away from life situations, to just hide and work mostly, and this time, it's healed me physically. 

i feel very grateful for this trip i'm making with my nephew, et. al. 

i've slept better and my gut is in better form too. i hope to go home healed and reformed.

i've also written a letter to Mamu. Went to the post office yesterday to post it. that's a story for another day!
 

this too has to pass

 my head is so heavy. the medication i am on for my gut gives me strong headaches. am constantly in pain now. what might it be to not be in pain for a few days? for a few months? years? i wonder.

am just going to wait for this to pass. we must all wait.

I'll be okay

 I've been angry because I'm tired. I'm tired of the hundred and one things my body has had to endure.

Rosacea is the latest. It causes my skin to flare up. And it makes my eyes burn and they tear up. It's making it really hard for me to get anything done. And I'm wondering what might be a way to manage this condition, since I know there's no cure. 

Sometimes people get lucky and it doesn't get so bad. I'm going to sit here and imagine it's not going to get bad. I'm going to sit here and imagine it's going to subside and my face won't get red and stingy and my eyes won't burn and I'll be okay again. 

I'll be okay again.