nothingness

coffee is at it's worst today.

the first one i asked for was called 'fresh beans' on the menu. but it turned out to be nescafe stirred into hot water, when it arrived on my table.

a second cup got ordered. this time americano. and trust me it tastes worse than the most bitter moments of heartbreak. i'm drinking it anyway. i am used to bitterness of these sorts. maybe they have become the residue that lines my heart, protecting it against the smaller heartbreaks. for, major heartbreaks you can survive. it is the smaller ones that change you. major heartbreaks leave you without a soul, so there's nothing to worry about preserving, after that. smaller ones eat you away. 

anyway.

the afternoon is beautiful. the sky looks like it's preparing for autumn, with just patches of shiny cumulus clouds. the wind is just right in Kathmandu today. 

and i, who has nothing to do-- i just sit here, watching the world in its busy hour, pass me by.

the lovers are still at their table- on the same side of the table. the business meeting goes on across the aisle. the man looks up at me from the meeting. he never stops shouting into his phone during the meeting. 

kutumba still plays. not my favourite music for the occasion. but they play.

just another day of doing nothing and i'm here-- doing nothing.