Conversations

you have become
the drafts in my inbox-
written and never sent.

you have become the pauses
during conversations
with my favourite girlfriends-
a secret song.

you have become
the sweetest,strongest
last gulp at the bottom
of my coffee mug-
almost done.

I found you hinged on the conversation that flowed out of the new me I've become, during a conversation with my favourite girl writers. I'm a new me. Happy, swift and flirtatious.

My shoulders remained slouched as they laughed at how embarrassed girls are about the first traces of breasts and how there's a desperate need to feel like one of the boys. I laughed at the tip I was offered for my femininity. But in my mind, you propped on our talks as though you had been there listening to the girl talks and becoming a part of the words our minds formed, becoming a girl yourself.

I looked on in amazement as P and S said "kapalnai ta ho". It's only hair. You can chop it off at a barber's. They do a great job.

They reminded me of Parijat's Sukumbari.I filled with envy at their comfort with their own bodies. It reminded me of the time I'd drawn my legs to my chest in an attempt to hide myself from you, bundling me up in a ball, shutting out what might have been the desire for your fingers and their poetry.

I fell in love with S's eyes that distanced itself into a pool once in a while, during the conversation. I fell in love all over again with P's big curls. I fell in love with M's little note stashed in a black pouch.

With you hinged to the conversations, I fell in love with my favourite girl writers all over again.



there will always be drafts in my inbox, written with someone in mind and never sent.