where?

where will i find evidence
of the time
you've loved me too?

where is the air still damp
with our breathing,
alloyed only in want?

 by Joseph Pitcher

just

again, i've woken up from my own ashes
of intoxication--
of wanting to believe your can fall asleep like that
and tell the world
look, i have control over my own life, you don't

this is how i break free of you
drown myself every day
in vanity--
i will.
i am.

an attempt at it

Today...

feels like a long time ago. Driving through the rain with my eyes half-shut, knowing deep inside that it is that time of our life again when you're not mine.
Again, I'm at work early, drinking dark coffee from a borrowed mug, as the rain continues its pitter-patter outside. You're probably in bed, finally falling asleep after tearing us apart in your thoughts all night long. And here I am, hoping this will be over someday and that maybe, by a very slim chance, we'll at least be friends.

it still rains like this...

http://threeriversdeep.wordpress.com/tag/rain/

vignettes

1.

every day

i make new decisions

roll back old ones

sometimes

they become so entangled 

they become each other

2.

you're a bundle in my arms, my brother

so fragile against my heart
sometimes, i want to weep

3.

brother, 

you're still the baby who can stand before me

and point at the patch on your thigh

bitten by some bug

4.

love,

you're the man who stands in the rain

talking about poetry

while my eyes pool in darkness

because i'm about to cry

5.

you're the man who cannot see my tears

because you do not see my sadness

over the impossibility of you 

you are my seance

am always talking to you in my head